How do you know when you've reached middle age?

My children tell me I’m old, but then our children always think we’re old, don’t they?  Mine thought I was old when I was 29!

It was comments from two friends at different times, however, that made me realise I’d crossed the line into middle age.  One came from an actor friend who had been cast in the play, Rebecca, and happened to tell me that they were having problems casting some of the parts.   I joked that I might just try out for one of them.  Now I don’t remember much about Rebecca, but I don’t think there many roles in it.  There’s Rebecca and her husband, of course, the horrid Mrs Danvers and few smaller parts, I think.  Now I don’t know what I expected, I’m sure I didn’t think myself Rebecca (herself) material, but I was somewhat taken aback when my friend suggested I’d make a good Mrs Danvers!  My mouth probably dropped open; I was certainly speechless for a few seconds before coming to my senses and laughing it off.  I can’t help thinking how awful it must be for those beautiful actresses who go from Rebecca to Mrs Danvers in just a few, short, years – no wonder they try to hold back the time with cosmetic surgery; I’m beginning to think about it myself!

The next time was a year or so later.  I was recounting to a young (30 or so) (female) colleague how a friend and I had met an Olympic athlete on the train the night before, describing this drop-dead-gorgeous hunk of a man, with bulging muscles and eyes like pools .... well, you get the picture.  Anyway, she just laughed and said he was probably used to having ‘middle-aged women swooning over him’!  Well, if the Mrs Danvers comment hadn’t quite spelled it out before, this time it hit – yes, I was officially middle aged.   Now where’s my Horlicks?